The Dalek Invasion of Hogwarts
by Achille Talon
Summary: In the year 1991 A.D., an emergency temporal shift landed Dalek Unit E-K-79 on a planet full of disgusting inferiors waving sticks about as though they were blasters. The mysterious disappearance of a nosy Hogwarts student turns out to be the first blow in what will come to be known as the Dalek Invasion of Hogwarts… as narrated here by the interested party Herself!


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Hello! Yes, another story. Why not? You know how plot-bunnies can get! And there are frighteningly few good 'Harry Potter'\'Doctor Who' crossovers. Though I highly recommend "That Which Holds the Image"._

 _In the interest of 'Harry Potter' fans: this story will cover a highly AU version of First-Year, though AU only in the sense that the 'Who' cast will crash in and kick the canon plotline off the rails. The details of the 'Harry Potter' world as such won't be altered in any signficant fashion, except as I see fit to concile 'Who' tech with HP magic._

 _In the interest of 'Doctor Who' fans: this story will mainly feature the Twelfth Doctor and takes place after 'The Empress of Mars'. That being said, timey-wimey will do its thing, and bowtie-fans, or even supporters of more distant or obscure Doctors, may not be disappointed…_

 _One thing: with "Parselmouth", I was essentially rushing in blind. This is simultaneously more and less the case on this one. On the one egg-whisk, I have a much more solid plan of what will happen in it, more than a vague outline for a year or two. On the other plunger, this prologue is all that I have written down for now, meaning I can make no promises for when this will update, though rest assured that when it does, it will be with a substantial chapter, as far as length is concerned. Shall we say two weeks?_

 _In the meantime, be sure ot tell me what you think by cliking on that lovely 'Review' button! Hm? And if you like this story and it is the first of mine that you encounter, I modestly recommend my pure-HP story, "The Parselmouth of Gryffindor". (…Not "Voldemort and the Struggle for Life", though. That was bad. Kindly ignore that. I keep it around only for the sake of fanfiction history.)_

* * *

 _ **The DALEK INVASION**_

 _ **of HOGWARTS**_

 _ **(1991 A.D.)**_

 _A clash of two worlds._

 **I - PROLOGUE:**

My old Headmaster, Professor Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore — and I, like everyone else, called him Dumbledore — was a curious, eccentric man. He filled the Headmaster's Office with many old instruments: some which he'd built himself, some which he had brought back from his travels, some utterly useless ones which had been gifted to him at birthdays and Christmases untold, and finally, even, some to whose provenance he hadn't the slightest clue.

Of the first category was a misshapen calculator-like device, of solid gold and copper, which he had put together in his early days as Headmaster. He had meant it as a new security measure for the school. Simply put, the Defiltraitor was a device which kept precise count of all the people currently within the Castle, who had no right to be.

Unfortunately, the Defiltraitor was never of much use to Dumbledore. Quite soon after completing it, Dumbledore had realized that there was no way to restrict the device to just humans, without also ruling out things like strange poltergeists and strange house-elves. Meaning that as it stood, the Defiltraitor, when calculating the number of intruders within our walls, would keep rigorous track of every stray house-fly, every spider, every lazy lizard who had not been specifically invited in by Dumbledore himself or one of his predecessors.

Dumbledore was a bit silly like that.

Yet hindsight makes psychics of us all. As I look back to the grim day of the 1st of September, 1991, when Dumbledore saw the Defiltraitor's tally of 273, I can tell you with utmost certainty that there were precisely 269 individuals of assorted vermin inside the Castle. This left four intruders not accounted for.

One was young Luna Lovegood, who was not to begin her schooling for a year yet, but had dug up that according to the Martian calendar she _was_ over 11, and had stowed away on the Express. Even then I knew of this, and I had no doubt that Miss Lovegood would be caught, and, with a few kind words, sent back to the Rookery.

Another was the Grim Grinning Ghost of Grantham, a ghost who had been officially exiled by the resident phantoms 256 years prior, but had stuck around, haunting a disused secret passageway linking the sixth floor to the third.

The third was Tom Marvolo Riddle, the Dark Lord of the Death Eaters, who had, for some reason, decided that possessing the back of a youthful Ravenclaw professor and bandaging himself with a stuffy turban was a good idea. I never did understand that boy, for all that he liked me.

The fourth, finally, was cautiously exploring my dungeons. He was dizzy, confused, and fresh off an Emergency Temporal Shift.

His name was Dalek Unit E-K-79.

Salutations. I am the Castle Hogwarts.

This is the story of the year Daleks invaded me; the year Professors met Doctors; the year the world ended; the year I met my one true love.


End file.
